In The Quietness Of A Bedroom
by DeborahSulkin
Summary: Nightmares. That was all the girl seemed to be plagued by right this moment. Tossing one way, turning another, groaning out at points, and fighting against the warm blanket that covered her body. She tried to forget. Yet, the more she tried to forget, the more she remembered it. Warnings for hints at rape.


Nightmares. That was all the girl seemed to be plagued by right this moment. Tossing one way, turning another, groaning out at points, and fighting against the warm blanket that covered her body.

The Nanny had not been this restless for quite some time. Not since she had first moved to New York City. Her first time away from her family, no one to watch her back, no friends, just no one at all. Plus some severe home sickness. Of course, after time, the Ross family became like her own. Taking her into their arms just like another of their adopted children. Like Jessie was destined to be there from the start.

A simple pep talk, a few monumental moments with the children themselves, and a new boyfriend, soon had the teenage girl settled into her new habitat.

If only it were that simple now.

Jessie was not one to suffer from nightmares regularly. Not that she did not occasionally have them, every one did. Yet, this was different. This one was not something as simple as a few ghosts, or a relative dying. That, more often than not, was a figment of her mind.

These were not.

The ginger haired girl restlessly rolled from the right side of her body onto the left, with a harsh groan upon doing so. Her face bore an expression of extreme uncomfortableness. Pain, even. Eyes were closed tightly shut like a child attempting to hide from the monsters.

Monsters were long gone for the New York Nanny.

No more clowns, werewolves, zombies, and other supernatural spooky's crept out of closets or from under her bed.

For this were more real than that. A real world monster that everyone soon learned about within time. Once the naivety inside you died away, the vulnerableness slowly dispersing. Then came the actual monsters. Monsters she held deep within a memory.

A memory she wished to forget.

Wished to push away from her mind forever.

That didn't seem to be the plan.

_"I'm supposed to get two nights off per week?"_ She remembered clearly. "_When has that__ever__happened!"_ Needless to say, she regretted those words now. Now more than ever.

In the middle of the night when all four children were sound asleep. Bertram slept away in his slowly re-cluttering bedroom. Eleven lizards snored away carefully. More importantly, it was when her boyfriend was off of his shift. Home, asleep in his own bed also. No possible way for her to distract her mind from the memories, Jessie is forced to remember it all.

* * *

With a huff, she strolled along the landing towards Luke's bedroom. Sighing as she heard the boy throwing up for what must have been the tenth time that day. Bags lingered underneath her eyes, exhaustion from staying up late the night before with him beginning to take effect. Her left hand pressed on the door, opening it as her right hand slid through her disheveled ginger hair. Tangling with the tatty ends with a forceful tug.

"Ugh, Jessie!" Luke moaned at her, a hand over his eyes as he squinted from the harsh hallway lighting being let into the darkness of his bedroom.

Jessie bit her lip with an apology, shutting the door behind herself, walking over and carefully turning the bedside lamp on. Illuminating her pale skin along with the young boy's. "Sorry." She whispered out, perching on the edge of his bed.

The left hand that had just opened the door found Luke's clammy forehead. Then his cheeks. Swiftly followed by both sides of his neck. Giving out a sigh, Jessie passed him a soft, sympathetic look. Accompanied by her right hand which had picked a thermometer off of the nightstand. Not another word was spoken as it popped quickly into Luke's mouth. Both sitting in the silence as they waited to see what was going on.

For Luke the moments were welcomed. The silence aided in his migraine. Pounding raging through his head just like the fever raging through his body. His stomach was cramping terribly from throwing up only moments before, and all the boy wanted to do was sleep.

Jessie on the other hand found it to be awkward. An uncomfortable minute filled with silence that she tried to busy herself with anything else. Noting to check on Zuri, Ravi, and Emma before she returned herself to bed.

A swift beep came from the stick in his mouth. The teenage girl found her hand taking the stick from Luke, holding it close to the dim lamp with a squint from the lack of light. "One hundred and one point eight." She informed him, with a small sad glance in her eyes. Placing the thermometer back upon the side. Her hand fell to Luke's sweaty forehead once more. "No school for you tomorrow." The girl said, trying to ease his sickness somewhat. Attempting to draw a smile out of him, even if she already knew he was destined to be off for at least the week.

Fumbling, her hand behind her reached around on the stand, trying to find the bottle of medicine she had to soothe his fever and make Luke sleep a little. Jessie couldn't find it. 'Shit!' Came the curse in her head, not out loud at all. She were too professional to ever curse in front of the kids. Her hand came to her tired face, running her finger and thumb over her tired eyes.

She was going to pick more up after collecting Zuri from school, Jessie remembered. Until she had yet another fit over not doing the assigned homework the teachers had given her. Followed swiftly about an argument over candy before dinner. Jessie swore the girl was just out to push her buttons today, with Luke being ill and herself being completely tired. Not that she backed down. The shouting little girl had came back to the apartment and done her homework, and the Nanny herself had forgotten completely about any form of medicine for Luke.

Her hand smoothed through her hair again. Both hands finding their way soon after into her hoodie pockets. The one she often wore when over tired due to being a lot more cold in that state. An apologetic bite came to her lip, looking her amber eyes to the boy once more. "Hey," Began Jessie in another gentle whisper, "I forgot to pick you some more stuff up." She told him, feeling overwhelmingly guilty. A hand came free from it's pocket to find Luke's forehead again. It was too hot to make him wait, so there was no other option. "I'm going to pop out and get some now, though." Jessie told him, giving a slight smile, "If you need anything just call Bertram, or my cell. That goes for any one of you guys."

"Okay." Came the tired reply from the young boy. A soft nod as not to stir up his dizzy head.

With the words, Jessie turned the lamp back off and rose to her feet.

It was as she walked through the park, a bag hung around her arm from the drug store, that she ran into a familiar face. "Hey, Officer Petey!" The girl gave a wave with her greeting.

"Jessie, hey. Isn't it a little late for a little lady like yourself to be wandering around?" The man questioned. Hands tucked onto his belt to remind someone constantly that he were always in a position of authority. His arm rose to check the time, then fell back to it's place. "It's almost one in the morning." He informed her.

Jessie gave a curt nod, "I know." Glancing to the bag again, she showed him it, "Luke isn't well and I forgot to pick up some medicine for him."

"Really?" Petey asked, eyebrows raised. Looking at her suspiciously, although he knew her pretty well. "I thought tonight was your night off..." He told her. Remembering from their day or two doing improve acting together.

"You can't really have nights off when you've got a sick child to watch." The girl informed him, licking her lips and tucking her hair out of her face.

"I guess you're right." Petey huffed, "Let me walk you out of this place at least." He offered. Doing his job of keeping her safe.

"Oh, you don-" By the time her words were beginning he had an arm wrapped around her shoulders, walking briskly away from the darkened place.

There was only a moment before both reached the gates of the park. "There you go. Keep safe Jessie." He told her, giving her a grin.

Jessie passed him a soft fake laugh, "You too." She replied, beginning to walk down the street.

Until she stopped.

Halfway back and she froze dead in her tracks. Her hand fisting at thin air for something that did not seem to be there. An item she was searching for that happened to have disappeared. "My wallet..." She voiced out loud, just like on her first day in this place in the back of a cab. "I must have dropped it." Jessie added on in a different ending. Turning on her heels as her hair wrapped around her neck in a speedy way. The wind blew it away moments later as the frozen girl looked back towards the park.

She could have sworn she had it when she entered that place. Bag on her arm, wallet in hand as she tucked it into her pocket... Blinking harshly, Jessie soon remembered that she had just seen Petey, only moments after that incident. Obviously her distracted mind must have made her drop it.

Thinking nothing of the next few steps, Jessie walked them back into the park. Petey had disappeared from sight. No one was around. Which happened to be the reassuring part. But it was a large city, surely she would be safer. With a frown, she knew her logic was wrong. Adding a few quickening footsteps to her walking in order to find the wallet faster.

The fall wind wrapped itself around her. Sending shivers of coldness through her spine. Leaves rustling from the trees and surrounding bushes. Jessie felt the hairs on the back of her arms stand on end. Stopping as she looked. No longer masked by the sounds of her own footsteps, or her quick paced breathing, she heard it.

A step.

Then another.

Getting quicker.

Praying it were Petey, Jessie turned on her heels. A soft smile on her face. Until she met their face. A guy no older than Emma stood proud in front of her. The smile fell slowly. Before she even had time to think about self defence, or stopping him, he had her. He had sent a rough slap across her face that echoed in the night's air.

Stunned, she stopped on the spot, trying to work the feeling back into her cheek. A feeling other than a tingling that was filling it right this moment. "I-" She went to speak.

"Shut up and say nothing." The words were harsh and forceful. It shut her up and terrified her at the same time.

His hands found her shoulders. They pushed back forcefully. Multiple times until Jessie backed into a tree. The girl tried to look for a way out, shift her eyes around, worm her wrists from his tight hold, but it was no use. Exhaustion, stupidity, and fear, had her here and frozen on the spot.

Rough lips met her own. Jessie felt like she wanted to throw up inside of his mouth.

One knee found it's way in between her legs. Holding her back onto the tree. Just as his roaming, cold hands found their way across her body.

"Sto-" She begged, trying her best, but another slap crossed her face. More forceful kisses onto her lips.

"Shut the fuck up, whore. This will be easier for you if you do."

* * *

With that toss, and the extra kick at her blanket, Jessie shot up in bed in a cold sweat. Shivers taking over her body. Disgust wracking her mind. The girl felt like she wanted to throw up out of disgust from the memory. Her mind was dizzy with the words. Scents. How she wished she could shake the scent away from her.

More importantly, it was the guilt eating away at her.

How the hell was she to tell Tony?

It had been a month now. A month, give or take a few days as she refused to remember the date by heart - despite having etched it into her life - and she still had not told her boyfriend what had happened.

Or anyone for that matter. Suffering in her silence. In the quietness of her bedroom.

Those were the nights her thoughts got to her the most.

When she could not go to the front desk and talk to Tony whilst he did his job. When all of the children were actually fast asleep in their beds. When Bertram happened to skip his midnight snack.

All alone in her room, Jessie's body began shaking. Her bottom lip quivered, tears rose to her eyes. Hugging her legs to her chest with rough breaths. Tears fell quickly down her face. Sobs muffled by a sharp bite on her bottom lip.

She tried to forget. Yet, the more she tried to forget, the more she remembered it.

* * *

**A.N. **I'm not really one to go into details on such things, hence why I sort of skimmed past it. It is a one-shot right now, but I know it had the potential to be more. I am willing to write more if I feel you guys would like it or if I get the sudden inspiration for it. So if you do like it and want more, say so. Please, no hate, unless it's constructive. Thanks.


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